Broken
by samanddianefan10
Summary: post TWOK. Kirk does some refecting on the meaning of his life after the loss of his best friend.


**A/N: This is my first Star Trek story. It follows the events of The Wrath of Khan. I hope you like it. Please feel free to give any comments or advice, as I would like to write more for this series. Thank you**

Kirk was now a man broken. He could handle it under normal circumstances. He'd learned that death was a part of life, he couldn't remember who had taught him that, but he was aware of the relationship between the two. Life had a cruel sense of humor. Just as soon as he'd found his son (a new life so to speak, even though David was a grown adult) _this _had to happen. He'd never pictured himself a father, so this would take some getting used to. But what he didn't want to get used to was losing _him, _his friend, his mentor in many ways, his right hand man. Somehow the universe got just a little smaller with the death of only one- that death was Spock's.

Spock, gone? That was almost too much for any member of the U.S.S. Enterprise to comprehend. There was definitely a void where the half-Vulcan , half human once treaded. And the worst part was that he found himself now being treated with kid gloves. He hated that feeling. No one was more capable of running the Enterprise (which many had told him was the real love of his life. He never disagreed.). But now it didn't seem like so much fun if Spock couldn't be there with him. For a creature with no sense of humor, supposedly, Spock had made being a captain-well, fun. Sure, he annoyed him half the time with his having to figure logic into every decision he'd ever have to make) and sometimes Kirk just wanted to remind him that he was half human, that it was okay to see the humorous side of things. That was the difference between the two. Not enough to break their friendship, but they didn't always see eye-to-eye on things. But Kirk knew that he needed that balance, that other opinion that drew him out of himself. Now that he needed Spock the most, who would be there for him?

Bones tried. He really did. Over the past few days he'd offer solace in some ill-gotten beverage, enough to numb the hurt but not enough to take away from the reality of what had happened. Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy was a good man, one of Kirk's best friends, but even he knew that it was impossible to compete with a ghost. Using that good old fashioned Southern knowledge he possessed, Bones knew Kirk well enough to know when to push and when to back away. And now right now all he wanted was to be left alone.

But he couldn't do that- he had a ship to run. At times only the sounds of the console filled the air, unable to break the tension that surrounded Kirk. There were too many memories between the comrades, too much knowledge of Spock's presence in the vessel to speak. They all felt about Spock the way they did, yet no one fully understood the depth of Kirk's grief. So they did what they all felt Spock would want them to do- carry on, not give in to their emotions (easier for some than for others) and to just get back to the business of life.

But Kirk didn't want to get back to that business. Looking around and hearing the bits of laughter that would pop up sometime to break the tension, Kirk would usually give a command or give command over to one of his friends and excuse himself. He knew he couldn't go on this way, but what else could he do? His friend wasn't there to help him see the logic of his death. So what could he do?

Finally David approached him in the corridor. "May I have a word with you,?"

"Can it wait? I'm busy."

"I don't think it can."

"Well it will just have to. I'm afraid I just don't have the time…"

"Well make time!"

Kirk sighed. Stubborn, persistant- very much his father's son. "Yes, David. What is it that I can help you with?"

"I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I know you two were…close," David settled.

"That's fine, David. Now if you'll excuse me…"

"Father.. Father…"

Kirk stopped. He would never get used to that for all of his life. "Yes?"

"I never got a chance to thank you for everything that you've done for my mother and for myself. I'm not great with words but I just wanted to tell you that."

Kirk nodded then watched as his son offered his hand. Kirk shook it at first, before bringing him for an embrace. Although it was quite awkward for the both of them, right then it was exactly what Kirk needed, to be able to feel another human being. An embrace at the right moment could be one of the most powerful ways of healing, or at least starting the healing process, and who knew? This might be it. Then again, it might not be that step.

"David.." Kirk called out as he watched his son start to walk away. None of this made sense. First he finds out that he has a son, only to watch his best friend die in front of him. He'd made many mistakes in his life, but David most certainly wasn't one of them. Who knew how things might have turned out in his life if he'd only known, Kirk mused. Maybe he would have stopped his gallivanting around the universe. Maybe he would have missed out on the most important relationships in his life. Or who knew? Maybe he wouldn't have changed a thing.

As he found himself taking control of the ship that he'd loved more than life itself, Kirk finally had to smile. No, he wouldn't have changed a thing after all.

The end


End file.
